It might be cliche to say, “Beauty is only skin deep” or “It’s what’s inside that counts,” but there’s a reason why we have these expressions.
Years ago, when I was a teen, a girl I had recently met was talking to me about boys who were flirting with her. She told me — as if she were annoyed — “I know they’re only interested in me because of my looks!”
I wasn’t able to relate. At that point in life, I had never suspected a guy of being interested in me based solely on my looks, and it also appeared to me that she was a little overconfident and on the verge of bragging. She was rather an attractive girl with bright greenish-blue eyes and curly blonde hair.
Years later, I had more of an understanding for how she was thinking. Some years back, I spent some time on an online dating site, and the majority of men who contacted me initiated contact in a way I did not prefer. They complimented my photo — which might not sound too awful — but they also said little else.
I had made out a profile filled with interesting information about me, and, in many cases, it seemed apparent that these gentlemen had not bothered to read any of it. The photo was all that mattered. The girl I met as a teen wanted to be appreciated for reasons other than her appearance, and, at that time, I understood her feelings. I did end up speaking to a couple of guys who did connect to me through mutual interests.
Our appearance is, perhaps, the least important aspect of our being. I’m not saying we should not dress nicely, beautify ourselves, take care of our health or any of these things, but, comparatively, it is far less important than our character and inner qualities.
The Bible says in I Samuel 16:7, “Man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.” Character is certainly more important where God is concerned.
It does feel at times that we live in a world where people are consumed with appearances. Shallow people exist, and perhaps some women would love to be adored for their beauty and nothing more. Still, it seems beautiful and average people alike, on some deeper level, want more of a meaningful connection.
Appearances are also something over which we have little control. We can change our weight up or down, but we can’t change our height. We can learn cosmetic and hairstyling techniques, but we can’t change our actual features short of plastic surgery.
I read once that it is better to compliment a guy on his sense of style (something he’s wearing) than on something more personal like his features. I think the same is true for women. It’s more of a true compliment to show appreciation for someone’s personal tastes and style, their creative expression put into their appearance, than to compliment them on aspects of themselves over which they have no control.
I think beauty can be seen in all sorts of people when they’re good people. Do you ever find that an attractive person, who is arrogant or shows poor character, begins to look less attractive and an average person, who is full of kindness and personality, begins to look more attractive?
(Yes, this is an attractive face but seems to show a lot of personality also.)
So, compliment and appreciate people on their choices of jewelry, ties, shoes. It’s a great opener. (I just complimented a stranger in the grocery store on an interesting floral jacket she wore.) And let’s look beyond appearances and appreciate others for the strength of their character.
This was from a prompt on Writer’s Quote Wednesdays from Marsha Ingrao. The theme was beauty, and bloggers were asked to respond with any form of post on that theme but had to include a quote.
What are your thoughts?
Susan, Welcome to Writer’s Quotes Wednesdays Writing Challenge. What a beautiful response to a great quote, “Good Looks Fade. But a Good Heart Keeps You Beautiful Forever.” Compliments go a long way towards making true friends. I think there is always something you can admire about someone. Like the beautiful straight teeth one of your pictures had. Some people work very hard to get teeth like that. A remark about a cute skirt or the neat way they organize their purse, or the impressive job they did building a deck. Skills are something we develop and are worth complimenting. Such a great post, Susan. I will post a link to your post next week on my #WQWWC post. 🙂
Thank you, Marsha, for your nice response and comment. I think you’re right about compliments and making friends. It’s good to appreciate people for their skills also. When I was a newcomer to my church about three or four years ago, I visited in the summer when the choir was taking a break, but they were using a rotation of soloists who were all wonderfully talented. I appreciated the music so much. I complimented some of the soloists. That was a good conversation opener for me too as a newcomer and stranger. 🙂
Yes, perfect. Are you a singer also?
Yes … actually. I ended up joining the choir. I have been shy about my singing for most of my life but have ventured into occasional solos in the past few years. The choir director has worked with me on that. The pandemic interfered a little bit with our choir, so we still aren’t meeting or practicing as a choir, but we’ve had concerts with smaller ensembles spaced out and do something similar on Sunday mornings.
That sound like a good start. Our church has a lead singing group but no choir yet. I can’t sing anymore but I used to participate in choirs and solo work. I loved it.
🙂 So, you understand. Yeah, we kind of have a lead singing group also.
Mom led the children’s choir, so I sang for many years!
Oh, how nice! I didn’t sing when I was quite that young. I joined a school choir for the first time as a high school freshman. I was so shy that I only joined because everyone was asking me to join. I didn’t know I would like it so much and would continue for so many years.
That’s wonderful, Susan. Our high school choir director was the adult church director. My brother and I both joined choir in high school after we moved to Portland. Amazingly our director was deaf. We never figured out how he managed to direct choirs. His wife also helped and gave voice lessons as well.
That is very interesting about your high school director … like Beethoven. 🙂
Exactly. I have no idea how he did it. He just did not seem deaf to us. 🙂
LOVED your thoughts and agree completely! I encounter a number of people daily at work, and see so much of this at play as I interact with them or just observe them.
Thank you so much, Kirstin. 🙂
Beautiful post – this is such a lovely thought:
“It’s more of a true compliment to show appreciation for someone’s personal tastes and style, their creative expression put into their appearance, than to compliment them on aspects of themselves over which they have no control.”
KL <3
Thank you. I’m glad it touched you. <3 :)
Susan,
I’m over from Marsha’s … Excellent thoughts. I can think of attractive friends who were lousy at picking out mates. It was obvious to me it was focused on look – so I encouraged her to look beyond the obvious – to look to give the unexpected a chance. I haven’t seen her in many years, but I’m not not sure ever learned that. Oh … and to answer your question – Yes – I have met plenty of attractive people who lost their luster once I learned more about them. .
Yes, me too. Thank you, Frank. As for finding someone, it’s too bad so many people lack wisdom about that.