funny poetry – Susan Joy Clark

Two Crocodile Limericks, #Laugh Along a Limerick

I once saw a big crocodile

Who had a ridiculous smile.

It was full of teeth

And mystery meat,

Odd trash and a metal nail file.

This one was written for Esther Chilton’s Laugh Along a Limerick challenge, with the requirement that it include the word “smile.” It is slightly gross perhaps, but, hopefully, in a playful way. I thought of the second limerick first, but after dreaming up rhymes with “crocodile” and “dial,” I forgot my objective was to include the word “smile.”

Image by my best in collections – see and press 👍🔖 from Pixabay

There once lived a big crocodile

With legs that were too short to dial

“Take out” on the phone.

He left phones alone

And made “fast food” of all in the Nile.

Creative Life, Poetry

Great-Uncle’s Birthday Bash, #Light Verse

Doves were bathing in the punch bowl,

Flapping up a serious splash,

One of many strange happenings

At my great-uncle’s birthday bash.

Outside, the weather was all fair,

Except for the chaos that reigned.

Guests were flinging pieces of cake

At a crooner that entertained –

With a voice like a tortured cow.

Cake was sinking out in the pool,

Where swans were swimming all around,

Some old, wacky, besotted fool

Belting show tunes at top voice

In a nauseating duet,

With that crooner whose presence

Every guest had come to regret.

A party hat stuck on its face,

The blinded dog was running wild,

All through the mud in the garden,

Then knocking over a small child.

Inside, some of the younger set

Somehow organized a mosh pit

And my great-uncle in his wheelchair

Was riding over top of it.

A week ago, my great-uncle,

Who’s now a centenarian,

Had a discussion with Grandpa,

An old nonagenarian,

They discussed the celebration

Of great-uncle’s hundredth birthday,

But as both are hard of hearing

The discussion went far astray.

“Don’t make a fuss,” Great-uncle said.

“Did you say to rent a party bus?”

Grandpa took very active notes

And relayed all he heard to us.

Great-uncle said all he needed

Was fam’ly, friends and tons of love,

But somehow this translated

To renting party swans and doves.

When it came to hiring singers,

Great-uncle approved of all that,

But with his acute hearing loss,

A smile and a festive top hat

Was impression enough to hire

That talentless, crooner in rhyme,

But in the end, at least, it seems,

Great-uncle had a real good time.

This was written for dVerse’s Poetics prompt in which we were asked to pick one of several Ernest Hemingway quotes for inspiration. I chose this one, “It is very hard to write this way, beginning things backward…” from The Torrents of Spring (1926.) I’m pretty sure though that Hemingway wouldn’t appreciate being the muse for this one, but perhaps Shel Silverstein or P.G. Wodehouse would nod their approval. A while ago, I saw a prompt to write a story backwards on Reedsy. I didn’t act on it then, but I had the thought to start out with chaos and then rewind to some explanation of it. Of course, I decided to start out with comical chaos.

Creative Life, Poetry

Fumble Bumble

I did a fumble

And then a stumble,

And followed this with

A forward tumble,

I think I’ll rest here

Now on my bumble.

Yesterday, I was carrying a puppy down my deck stairs and tripped on the final step onto concrete. I seem to be okay other than some “road rash” and bruising, but it is more painful than I expected. I wrote this little ditty for you. At least, my sense of humor seems to be intact.

Creative Life, Poetry

The Rhyming Elephant

(Light Verse — More Poetry with Movie Quotes)

There was once a circus elephant,

Who, although it wasn’t relevant

To his role in circus artistry,

Had a penchant, quite, for poetry,

But then, all his fellow pachyderms

Thought his hobby was a wacky yearn,

For from Mumbai unto Nairobi,

There was ne’er a poet wannabe,

Of elephant kind, in any case.

(That silliness just for human race.)

But he could not cessate his rhyming,

Nor stop his sense of comic timing,

So when one bellowed in frustration,

In his pachyderm protestation,

“Young sir! No more rhymes now! I mean it!”

‘Quipped, “Anybody want a peanut?”

Okay, I think I quite lost my brain with this one, but it was fun. I’m not sure if this is inspired by Ogden Nash or W.S. Gilbert, but it is, evidently, some silliness out of my own brain. dVerse recently had a challenge for poetry that included famous movie quotes. This line, “No more rhymes now! I mean it!” which was followed by “Anybody want a peanut?” from The Princess Bride immediately jumped into my brain, but then I realized, to follow the rules, we had to pick one of several quotes that were selected in advance. So, I did a poetic tribute to Back to the Future, but I thought I’d go back and see what I could do with this one. It’s kind of an interesting quote to work with, because it’s a bit of poetry itself, but I think I worked it into an entirely different context than the movie.

And for some baby elephant cuteness …