funny – Page 2 – Susan Joy Clark

Creative Life, Poetry

Great-Uncle’s Birthday Bash, #Light Verse

Doves were bathing in the punch bowl,

Flapping up a serious splash,

One of many strange happenings

At my great-uncle’s birthday bash.

Outside, the weather was all fair,

Except for the chaos that reigned.

Guests were flinging pieces of cake

At a crooner that entertained –

With a voice like a tortured cow.

Cake was sinking out in the pool,

Where swans were swimming all around,

Some old, wacky, besotted fool

Belting show tunes at top voice

In a nauseating duet,

With that crooner whose presence

Every guest had come to regret.

A party hat stuck on its face,

The blinded dog was running wild,

All through the mud in the garden,

Then knocking over a small child.

Inside, some of the younger set

Somehow organized a mosh pit

And my great-uncle in his wheelchair

Was riding over top of it.

A week ago, my great-uncle,

Who’s now a centenarian,

Had a discussion with Grandpa,

An old nonagenarian,

They discussed the celebration

Of great-uncle’s hundredth birthday,

But as both are hard of hearing

The discussion went far astray.

“Don’t make a fuss,” Great-uncle said.

“Did you say to rent a party bus?”

Grandpa took very active notes

And relayed all he heard to us.

Great-uncle said all he needed

Was fam’ly, friends and tons of love,

But somehow this translated

To renting party swans and doves.

When it came to hiring singers,

Great-uncle approved of all that,

But with his acute hearing loss,

A smile and a festive top hat

Was impression enough to hire

That talentless, crooner in rhyme,

But in the end, at least, it seems,

Great-uncle had a real good time.

This was written for dVerse’s Poetics prompt in which we were asked to pick one of several Ernest Hemingway quotes for inspiration. I chose this one, “It is very hard to write this way, beginning things backward…” from The Torrents of Spring (1926.) I’m pretty sure though that Hemingway wouldn’t appreciate being the muse for this one, but perhaps Shel Silverstein or P.G. Wodehouse would nod their approval. A while ago, I saw a prompt to write a story backwards on Reedsy. I didn’t act on it then, but I had the thought to start out with chaos and then rewind to some explanation of it. Of course, I decided to start out with comical chaos.

On the Funny Side

Father’s Day Humor — Dad Jokes, Comics and Funny Dads of YouTube

Here’s a collection of humor for the dads or for those celebrating the dads in their life.

YouTuber Penn Holderness of the Holderness Family does some fun song parodies, a few relating to fatherhood. A few Father’s Days ago, he released a parody of Michael Jackson’s “I’m Bad,” now turned to “I’m Your Dad.” Well, this year, he chose the same music but with a slightly different twist. Apparently, he is turning into his own dad … just like in the Progressive insurance commercials. Enjoy some fun music, humor and silly dance moves.

Then, I went into the Holderness Family archives and found this parody of Pharrell Williams’ “Happy,” — “I’m Your Daddy,” celebrating all the fun and funny things he does as the dad of the family.

Dad Jokes

(curated from around the Internet)

Does your dad tell you “dad jokes?” Mine does. Sometimes, it gets a giggle, and sometimes, it gets a groan. Maybe, you’re the dad passing on the dad joke tradition to the next generation. Here is a collection to add to your arsenal.

My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don’t know why she’s mad at me.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!

A steak pun is a rare medium done well.

Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

This morning, Siri said, “Don’t call me Shirley.” I accidentally left my phone in Airplane mode.

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word.

Cop: “I’m arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia.” Man: “Wait! I can explain everything!”

“For Father’s Day, I’m giving my dad an hour of free tech support.”

Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help.

I’m reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.

What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

I always knock on the fridge door before opening it, just in case there’s a salad dressing.

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?
A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

More Youtube Dads

This New Zealander dad shares a lot of humor about fatherhood on his Youtube channel, “How To Dad.” In this one, he shares how to go grocery shopping with a baby.

Have you noticed that dads just do things differently from moms? I remember when my niece was a baby, and my brother was “flying” her like Superbaby balanced on the palm of his hand. His Shetland sheepdog, Honey, barked at him to warn him to be careful with that baby. Here’s a video montage of dads doing things a little differently.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCVgUOCqG9s

Creative Life, Poetry

Fumble Bumble

I did a fumble

And then a stumble,

And followed this with

A forward tumble,

I think I’ll rest here

Now on my bumble.

Yesterday, I was carrying a puppy down my deck stairs and tripped on the final step onto concrete. I seem to be okay other than some “road rash” and bruising, but it is more painful than I expected. I wrote this little ditty for you. At least, my sense of humor seems to be intact.

Creative Life, Poetry

Rain Rhythm, #Light Verse

Rain splashes on my hat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

And soaks up the door mat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

Going splish and then splat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

With rhythm like jazz scat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

It rains both dogs and cats,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

It soaks up my socks. Drat!

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

I look like a drowned rat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

I’ll go back to the flat,

Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat,

And that’s it, and that’s that!

Here is another silly poem/light verse. It was partly inspired by the new dVerse challenge for a poem using repetition, but this doesn’t quite use the technique requested. I thought I’d post it anyway and perhaps enter a different poem for that challenge. Americans don’t usually call an apartment a “flat,” but, well, apartment didn’t fit. “‘Apartment’ didn’t fit. Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, I’ll pretend I’m a Brit, Rat-a-tat, Rat-a-tat.” 🙂

On the Funny Side

Book Humor

Here is just a little assortment of funnies I collected on my Pinterest humor board — all related to books.